Joys of a Backyard Birthday Party
It's never to late to return to them
Like many celebrations, children’s birthday parties have shifted from few and far between during my childhood to extravagant events each year.
I had two. One at age 9 and the other when I turned 18. Both were at home.
It is amusing reminiscing about my party at age 9, as my family was one in which very simple celebrations were the norm. I have no idea how or why that party with several friends came to be, especially since people immensely disliked driving the hilly hairpin-turn road up to our house.
There is only one memory of that 9 year old party that truly stands out almost 65 years later. One of the gifts was Colorforms, stick on vinyl pieces that allowed one to make all kinds of designs. I see there is a 70th Anniversary edition for sale, brand new, while other labels for them say “vintage.” Ah yes.
My grade school classmate and friend who gave me Colorforms, Helen B. said, “I couldn’t decide what to give you. It was between the Colorforms and a jewelry box.”
I bet you’ve already guessed what I was thinking when hearing the most memorable sentence of that day; however, I did not speak it out loud: “I wish you had given me a jewelry box.” That would have seemed like a treasure to me even though I had very little jewelry. I remember feeling something inside that a jewelry box would eventually hold very special things, perhaps longing for that to be true.
Colorforms, however, it was. Thank you, Amazon, for the image.
My 18th party was great fun with a few friends, the highlight being a walk to our wonderful high school principal’s home, surprising him, and receiving his cordial welcome and good humor.
Fast forward to my years as a school administrator, relishing the days with early childhood and elementary children and families.
I wish I had kept count of a particular parent conversation that took place only behind the closed doors of my office. It went something like this:
“________ has a birthday coming up. All the other kids in the class have had extravagant parties at ___________ and with party favors that cost as much as the gifts the birthday child receives. I feel like we have to do the same thing, which means inviting the whole class, the kids from (insert faith community), and (insert sports team or club). We have talked and talked about this and just wish we could have a small celebration at home, but we know so many kids would feel left out and we would have upset parent friends, too.”
My response was something like this:
“I can’t tell you how many other parents have sat in the chairs you are sitting in and expressed exactly the same thing. You know me well enough to know that I am an advocate for families doing what is right for your family’s values and traditions. If what is right for your family and the way you honor birthdays is to have a party at home, then feel free to do that. A guideline used to be the number of kids attending being the same as the number of the year a child is turning. And -------------- (pause )------------- if you are willing and courageous enough to have the “at home” small party you truly want, I am quite sure you will, in fact, have many parents thanking you for taking a stand and setting a precedent they can now feel free to follow. Sometimes it takes being first.”
I have observed over many years that peer pressure is as challenging to and for parents as it is for children.
This is all leading up to celebrating the family whose back yard is now plainly in my view. I have already let the mom know I admire the amount of time she and her husband spend playing with their boys, letting their own childlike play join the boys on the swings, or practicing soccer skills and being fully engaged minus devices in pure play and conversation.
So yesterday when I happened to look out the window and observed an “at home” in the back yard birthday party happening for their 4 year old I felt total delight and was filled with joy.
It wasn’t being filled with joy because the party was at their home with perhaps 10 children and their parents.
It was joy felt watching the children, missing my days in the environments that filled my soul. It was all I could do to stay on my side of the property.
There was not a moment of boredom, there were no tears, there was endless running around, taking turns, talking to one another, sitting on the ground gathered round a big tablecloth to eat and near the end, taking turns trying with their “best” littlest muscles to break a piñata. Once broken, each child gathered up whatever the little contents and proudly carried the small green bag to show parents and then home.
The biggest “party favor,” truly, was the endless play, fun, and freedom. Parents, I know, kept a quiet eye while in their own conversations, but the kids did not need them. And honestly, I think that if they had left to go home with no little green bag each of piñata contents in their hand, it would not have even been noticed.
I imagine all slept very soundly, having been worn out in the most wonderful way.
I, though no longer in the official school setting, will never stop advocating for two things. One, that families always follow their own values and instill them as a legacy in their children and two, that children engage in as much free play as possible, especially outdoors when possible.
Two books I have kept through the years are Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul by Stuart Brown, M.D. and Last Child In the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv. There are many others, but these two come to mind as classics and are highly recommended.
To glorious childhood! The children I spent time off and on watching yesterday have no idea how they made my day.
They also reminded me how much I still love working with parents and educators, engaging in dialogues about what it means to bring up children in our world today.